So recently, there has been a lot of newness in my life. A new grandson came at the beginning of the year. Each new stage seems to bring more than was expected. New doorways, openings, apparent choices, seem to be popping up. In speaking to friends about these new choices, one described them as openings that show up in life. the other called hers following the YES.

We ask for new aliveness, change, the unexpected , more potential, and it often comes in such disturbing ways. We hope to control how creativity works in our lives, but really, we have to small a picture of how things might change for the better.Sometimes it comes as a can’t go there, so where, or a holding still till something else appears. when we ask for it, surprisingly it shows up. We just don’t always recognize the beauty of the newness, the opportunity to Feel the deep YES! We look instead for something to do, to make things right, adjust make it easier for everyone. Perhaps the openings find their own way, leading everyone to more potential. We need to just step into the opening, notice what feels right and let it unfold. This can be quite exciting. So let’s look fo rthe openings, and lean towards are yeses.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then after a second or so,

nothing continued to happen.

Douglas Adams

This quote in my last e-mail newsletter, from Douglas Adams, author of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,
made me laugh every time I read it. I knew what it was going to say, but each time I read it , it was new.
There is a story of Zen monks, who were in an experiment. They were attached to devices that monitored their responses to stimuli. They were placed in a room with a phone. The phone would ring, over and over, but each time,
they would show responses as if it were the first time. They were completely responding from the moment.
We look at life in very habitual ways. We are always straining towards a future which is somehow better or worse than
where we are now. So much strife is in the world that we are projecting forward with fear. We miss the present, because it only lasts for……… It is in this way that the brain helps to maintain an ongoing identity. Do we really know we are the same person that fell asleep last night? Do we really know that the person next to us is the same one who we married so many years ago?
Every 7 years, the body changes it’s cells completely. what was in us at birth, is no longer there. the brain keeps a record, but even memory is fragile.
So, although anticipation can be very enticing, it may not be as good as what’s here, now. Can we stay here even for this moment? An experiment.

Recently, my young hairdresser, just entering a new relationship, told me about an article that
spoke about marriage. It was about hard reasons for divorce, and soft reasons. You can guess that the hard reasons had to do with forms of abuse, substance abuse, addictions, and infidelity. The soft reasons were more like, he doesn’t understand me, we are not where we used to be, he’s not a good listener, etc. She was saying, as a young unmarried woman, that the commitment was very important, and at times we leave without looking at our need to change ourselves.
Perhaps, relationship is God’s way of giving us opportunity for open heartedness. Do we really need what we think we need from others or do we need to stretch, to go inside and find our own inner resources.
I love when painting for process, takes me to a place where I can stretch more, see things from an expanded awareness, the wholeness of any situation or conflict. The expanded feeling allows our eyes to be opened anew, to how we can give, what love and friendship mean.
We get disappointed that things aren’t what we think they should be.Isn’t this the purpose of living, to surprise us, ask us togo further, to accept, or at least be aware?
I’ve come across a new book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. He gives guidelines of how energy fluctuates according to how we respond, when things don’t go our way. It happens often enough that maybe we can find ways to with the journey of life that open the heart, relax the defenses, and the expectations. Can we relax into what is?

On my return from a month in India recently,
I was able to see what for a few days, was unfamiliar.
My life was unfamiliar. Who I was before the trip was
clearly a someone who no longer existed.
We had recently moved. Our home was new, our old home in another state having been sold.
And here I was in a very foreign country, having very different experiences, just after trying to find my space in a new part of the country. The experience of being a foreigner, in a different land and culture, and when one arrives back home is very interesting.
It felt very much like that feeling when you wake up, but still don’t know who or where you are. The first response was, irritation, jet lag, too,of course.
There was so much new and disturbing in the sounds, sights and smells of India. Images abounded that were beautiful and painful. every night, outside my room , on the streets, the always stray dogs of India would yowl with pain. I wanted to run and help, but couldn’t find the courage to leave my safe room and go into a darkened street, unaccompanied.
Then there were what I call the three fates, three very elderly women,
dressed in the white of mourning. They came to me from across the way, and , talking in Hindi, kissed and hugged me, calling out the name of my spiritual teacher. Recognition of oneness. I could not tell them apart, and felt like they included me in this merger.
There was the woman in her 80′s from Dubhai who was writing a book of her mystical experiences. She had been, as she said, just a Mother. She shared these experiences and made us cry.
And then to return to the new home, mysterious, too. Why am I here, not there or there. What brings me here or there, coming and going? Is there really something in me that is constant? Maybe not so much. Maybe it is knowing this that is the anchor, the truth of living. being lived, without a point of reference. Can it be?